


A horrified "Oh, God."

by Herlilacskies



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-06-09 20:26:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19483372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Herlilacskies/pseuds/Herlilacskies
Summary: Adam tries to be funny, then is overcome by feelings so he can't refute his previous statement and he kinda fucks shit up.But it's all good by end.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> First TRC fanfic. So...yeah. I love my boys.
> 
> Also, I might add another chapter of the aftermath with Gansey? Maybe, I'm not sure.
> 
> There's drug use, but not really. He throws it up.

It’s been three weeks since the fourth of July happened and Ronan is still a little fucked up about it. He still gets a crushing feeling like everything’s going to be ripped away from him at any moment, less now, but still, glaringly, present. The first week after Kavinsky’s party, Ronan had made Matthew stay at the Barns and hadn’t really functioned that week. He was choked with terror when Matthew wasn’t in his sight and almost breathless with relief when he was. Now though, at the end of the month and with some—debatably— unhelpful nudging from Adam, he’s gotten it down to two calls a day; one in the morning and one at night. 

Sometimes Ronan turns up at the stoop to Adam’s apartment when the insomnia joins with his worry and he can’t keep the terrible what ifs out of his head and he can’t deal with the dark and lonely nothingness of Monmouth at dusk. Gansey’s companionable silence now makes the sleepless nights worse so Ronan will usually find himself pushing into the church and knocking on Adam’s door at all hours of the night. It might take Adam a minute to get up, but he’s opening the door and wiping the sleep from his eyes, nevertheless. Adam’s, so easily, become Ronan’s solace. His burning light through all the mucky blackness. 

~ 

The first time it had happened, Adam had just stared at Ronan until he fully woke up. Adam let him in and offered him the bed, seeing as it was the only comfortable place to sit in the room. Ronan had just shook his head and told Adam to go back to sleep. So he did. 

Ronan had lowered himself to a sitting position beside the bed at the end. He knew why he’d come there. A place that housed the only things Ronan, truly, worshipped. Ronan had only left when the sun came up and threatened to expose all his secrets, though not before leaving a cup of coffee and a bag of donuts on Adam’s desk. 

Adam had woken up to the smell of fresh coffee and donuts as Ronan was shutting the door. He had sat up and scowled at the items sitting innocently on his desk and swore he’d tell Ronan that he could buy himself food. 

Later that same day, Ronan came knocking and that broken look was on his face and Adam’s spiteful words disappeared. It had been raining so Adam pulled him inside and scolded him, instead, for driving in the middle of the night in the pouring rain. He grabbed a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt and pushed Ronan into the bathroom, telling him to take his clothes off as he sat the dry clothes on the toilet. After a few minutes Ronan came out and found Adam at his desk, asleep, with his face pointed toward the bathroom. Ronan says, “Parrish,” and he startles awake. Ronan adds, “Get in bed, dumbass.” 

Adam scowls sleepily and gets up, muttering about wet clothes. Ronan tells him he’ll get it as he intercepts Adam on his way to the bathroom. Ronan guides him back to the bed and once Adam’s sound asleep, he heads back to the bathroom. He picks up the wet and slightly dripping clothes and heads for the basement, he knows they have washers and dryers down there. He tosses them into the dryer and heads back up. He settles next to the bed once again, closer to the top of Adam’s bed this time. After a few moments, Ronan feels a hand on his shoulder and startles at the contact. He turns to a bleary-eyed Adam, barely illuminated by the night sky. Then Adam’s moving away and patting the bed. Ronan didn’t really think, until Adam leaned over and pulled at his arm, what could Ronan have done? He climbed in, thinking he’d never get sleep now. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Adam was only a few inches away and how they were sharing a blanket and then Ronan was sleeping. Not dreaming, just sleeping, peacefully. 

Ronan still left before Adam woke and left him with food and drink the next morning, though Adam’s scowl lost a little bit of its heat and his lips quirked at the corner when he saw it. He let out a croaky and sleep heavy “You _bastard_ ,” but he was more amused this time. 

~ 

It’s a little past two when Adam wakes up to frantic knocking on his door. He opens it and finds a scared kid on his doorstep. His eyes are red and glassy and he looks even more broken than usual. He pulls Ronan inside and asks “What happened?” 

“I killed him,” barely audible.

“You wha—Oh my God, Ronan. I’m so sorry.” He pushes Ronan into the bed, pulls the covers around him, and reassures “It wasn’t real.” 

“It was,” Ronan says, miserably. “I pulled him out just as I smashed his skull in.” He’s staring at a spot on the floor, blankly. “ _Adam_ , there was so much...so _much_. And then he was just convulsing with his brains all over the floor and then—and then…” Ronan trails off as tears start to fall and Adam carefully pulls him into his chest, Ronan’s head falling to Adam’s shoulder. He says “Adam,” like a prayer. 

“I know,” Adam replies. “I know,” he says again because he does know. This isn’t the first time he’s dreamt horrible things about Matthew and it, certainly, isn’t the first time he’s brought something horrific back, but it is the first time he’s brought a dying Matthew back. Adam wishes there were something he could do to prevent Ronan from seeing more traumatic things, but he can’t. And he hates that. 

After Ronan’s breathing has slowed Adam starts lowering them into a horizontal position because Adam is not letting Ronan leave tonight. He doesn’t like to think about Ronan being alone, at all, these days. He doesn’t know if it’s from these feelings he’s been carefully not examining or if it’s because Ronan is something to be feared, not fearful of. All he knows for sure is that he hates the nights Ronan doesn’t wake him up with the knocking. 

Adam keeps Ronan close that night and sleeps. Adam sleeps and Ronan sleeps. And they sleep and sleep and sleep. 

Adam wakes up with a warmth wrapped around him. He moves around and the warmth tightens around him and he realizes he doesn’t smell coffee or pastries and Ronan’s still in his bed. Spooning him. Ronan Lynch and Adam Parrish are spooning. He doesn’t want to move in case Ronan wakes up, but what if Ronan doesn’t wake up for another three hours. He sighs and settles into the bed, deciding to wait until Ronan wakes up so he can deal with any embarrassment. 

So Adam waits. And he waits and he waits and he waits until he feels the body behind him tense up. He waits and waits. Ronan settles back against Adam and Adam is internally screaming. He waits a few minutes and contemplates his entire life, since moving to S.T. Agnes’. Then he tenses and hopes Ronan is awake to feel that and get the hint. 

Apparently, he doesn’t, because not three minutes later, Ronan tenses more obviously somehow and then settles back in. Parrish wants to shout in outrage. He doesn’t. He waits only a minute before making a show of consciousness and then settling back into his pillow. 

What makes him contemplate his entire existence, this time, though, is when he feels hot breath on the back of his neck and lips brushing his shoulder. “You gonna move, Parrish?” Adam can hear the smirk in his voice. 

That gets Adam moving, quickly. He pushes the covers away and lets the warm arms fall away. He gets up and resolutely ignores Ronan’s stare. He can feel it crawling up his body and he likes it. The way Ronan makes him feel known. The way he makes him feel worth a damn. He grabs an Aglionby outfit and locks himself in the bathroom. He spends more than enough time in there and when he gets out, Ronan’s got the clothes on from yesterday. He asks “School?” 

“Do you want me to?” 

Adam knows Ronan is asking more than that, but he doesn’t know what, so he replies, “Of course I do.” 

“OK, let’s go.” Ronan grabs his keys off the desk and heads out the door. Adam still has absolutely no clue what just happened so he follows Ronan out without a word. 

Ronan stops to get coffee and muffins before they make their way to Monmouth. Adam insists he pay for his portion, but Ronan tells him to shut the fuck up with a hint of a growl and Adam is stunned into silence because that rough and gravelly voice is doing things to Adam. It makes something in his belly coil tight as a bow. 

This doesn’t make sense, he tells himself. It’s _Ronan Lynch_. What about Blue? He liked her, but she didn’t give him goosebumps when their skin just barely brushed against each other and she didn’t take his breath away with her voice and she didn’t make him feel worth something and she didn’t know him. Ronan knew things. Sometimes he thought Ronan knew Adam better than even he, himself, did. So Adam mutely put away his wallet and took the cup of coffee and the muffin with a small and earnest “Thank you,” letting his Henrietta accent take over the words. 

Ronan rose both his eyebrows in silent surprise and narrowed his eyes in slight confusion. He left out all the words and picked his coffee up and off the counter. He heads for the door and says “You know, Parrish, one of these days I’m gonna make you late.” He holds the door open so Adam can walk out. 

Adam swallows the hot liquid and asks “On purpose?” 

Ronan’s quiet a moment, then he shakes his head. “Probably not.” 

Adam shakes his head and looks at Ronan. “No, I know you, Ronan Lynch. And you know me. You would never put me in that kind of situation.” Adam knows this is the truth. He knows that if it were a little later in the morning and they only had ten minutes to get to school, Ronan would make the twenty-ish minute drive below ten. So he smiles his small and aged smile and heads to the passenger side. 

Ronan is terrified by that fact. He’s terrified of the feelings and of the way Adam Parrish affects him. It’s debilitating, the same moment it’s the only thing that keeps him going. Adam Parrish is a terrifying secret and Ronan isn’t sure he can keep it a secret, not when Adam’s smile makes his stomach drop or when his gaze makes Ronan stop thinking. 

They get to Monmouth and Ronan changes, Gansey has already gone to school so they head off. Ronan does park the BMW, but he tells Adam he’ll see him in class and heads off towards Matthew’s first class. Adam immediately knows Ronan is going to check-in with Matthew and then skip all of his classes except latin. 

As Adam’s passing through buildings, he watches the BMW pull into a parking space. He shakes his head in fond disapproval. When they’re sitting down for class and Gansey’s not there yet, he asks Ronan “It’s nearly over, can’t you hold out a little longer?” 

Ronan turns away and looks out the window. He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, then he shakes his head and turns back around to look at Adam. He looks lost. “I honestly don’t know, Parrish.” It’s a sobering and heavy sentence. 

Adam doesn’t try to say anything else. They’re eyes drop when Gansey shows up and neither seek the other out the rest of the day. Ronan tells Gansey to take Adam home because he’s gotta stop by Matthew’s before he leaves, Adam doesn’t tell either of them that he’d wait. Maybe he struck a nerve when he told Ronan he should just stick it out. He didn’t mean anything by it, not really. Maybe he did. 

It’s late that night, a little after one, when Adam hears knocking. He’d just got in from the garage and he was preparing to take a shower. He’d been in the process of pulling his grease-stained t-shirt off, so he finishes that and walks to the door, not really thinking anything of his nude upper half. Until the night air is biting at his exposed skin and Ronan is staring unblinkingly at the expanse of waiting flesh. 

It takes Adam a moment too long to invite him in. When he does, Ronan’s eyes dart to his and Adam quickly looks away unable to face his wanting gaze and moving to the side so he can come in. Adam closes the door and neither of them say anything. Ronan comes to stop at the edge of the desk and looks out the window and Adam stays by the door, utterly lost as he stares at the back of Ronan’s head. 

It’s a long moment before Adam realizes he was in the middle of taking a shower. He takes a few steps further into the room and breaks the silence “I&mdahsI was gonna...take a shower…” Adam waits, he doesn’t know why. 

Ronan doesn’t turn away from the window when he says “What are you waiting for, Parrish?” Adam doesn’t hear a smirk in his voice so he’s a little more lost. 

Adam says “N—Nothin’.” He heads to the bathroom. 

When Adam comes out in a faded t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, his hair slightly damp, he finds ronan hunched over on the edge of his bed with his hands fisted in the sheets. The fingers clench and unclench nervously as Adam approaches, Ronan’s eyes are closed, but Adam knows that Ronan’s aware of every step that brings him closer. 

Adam comes closer until he’s lowering himself next to Ronan and asking “Can I do anything?” 

His brows scrunch up in pain and back down again. He says “Tell me to go.” 

“No.” 

Ronan opens his eyes and looks at Adam. Adam hadn’t realized how close he sat himself to Ronan and he never realized just how small his bed is until this moment. Adam doesn’t realize what’s happening until Ronan is leaning over and pulling Adam’s bottom lip between his own. 

Adam’s mouth falls open further and then there’s tongue and Adam can’t think properly. It’s just _Ronan_. _Ronan_. _Ronan_. _Ronan_. Until Roan’s pulling away and Adam’s chasing his lips with a small whine of disapproval. 

Ronan says “Hold up, Parrish,” and he looks so damn happy and Adam can’t be mad at that. 

Adam stares at Ronan, suddenly contemplative. “You kissed me.” 

“You kissed me.” 

Adam nods, dumbly, “I did.” 

Ronan stares back and asks “Why?” 

Adam says “You did pay for this apartment.” Adam doesn't know why, all he knows is he wants to do it again and would be OK if he only ever had Ronan because Ronan— 

“Parrish. Is that why you let me kiss you?” Adam gives him a blank look. A horrified “Oh, God. _Adam_.” Then he’s throwing himself back as he starts muttering apology after apology until he makes it out the door and into his BMW. 

His hands white-knuckle the steering wheel as he pulls out of the parking lot, breath ragged. He doesn’t think he can breathe. He _can’t_ breathe. He pulls to the side of the rode a couple miles from S.T. Agnes’ and tries to calm down, tries to not feel sick inside, tries to not feel so disgusting and wrong about everything. He can’t live with himself like this. Adam was going to let him kiss him because Ronan paid for some of his rent? Ronan hates Robert Parrish. He feels physically ill. He feels like his insides might spill out. He hates that he’s hurting. He hates the pain he’s in because Adam thought—Ronan can’t even finish that thought. 

He drags his hands over his tear-filled eyes roughly and heads for Monmouth. 

He’s letting out choked off sobs every few minutes by the time he pulls up to Monmouth Manufacturing. He gets out and heads for his room. He makes sure Gansey’s out before he puts a hand over his mouth and creeps to his room. 

He grabs his phone off his dresser and turns on a loud and mind-numbing playlist. He hooks his phone to his speakers and with his back to the wall, he slides down the wall and lets the music absorb his sobs. He’s dragging his blunt nails down his shaved scalp and his arms and dragging his hands up and down his face roughly, trying to wipe his emotions away. He can’t and he cries and cries. He doesn’t know when he’d pulled his knees into his chest and settles his head on his crossed arms, but he drags his face back up at a chilly feeling. He finds a transparent Noah and cries harder. 

It’s a little before four in the morning when gansey starts knocking on Ronan’s door. It’s twelve seconds later when he starts pounding, then four seconds later when he’s pushing the door open with a ready-lecture on his tongue. It dies in his throat when he finds a red, puffy-eyed Ronan, tear-stained cheeks, and a consoling Noah. ronan’s choked out “Leave.” doesn’t reach gansey’s ears, so Noah disappears. 

“He wants you to leave,” Noah tells Gansey, politely. 

Gansey looks between the two and then nods in defeat, closing the door. Before Noah can go back to ronan he asks “What happened?”

Noah stares at him for a moment, unsure if he should tell him or not. After a long moment he says “Adam,” disappearing seconds later to console his best friend.

“Adam,” Gansey repeats in bewilderment. Then his eyes harden and his voice sharpens, “ _Adam_. What the fuck did you do,” Gansey growls as he grabs his coat and his keys, heading to Adam’s. 

Ronan can’t believe Gansey just saw all of this. All of his bullshit. His stupid feelings. He knew he should have never even thought his feelings. This is too painful. He wishes—Ronan lifts his face and turns to a pile of dream things he’d thrown over there in the last few months. The lamp is barely illuminating half the room, but his eyes still the scour pile for a pill bottle he’d dreamt up a few weeks after the Fourth of July. He hadn’t really thought anything of it, until now. 

Ronan doesn’t have the energy or motivation to get up so he tries Noah. He doesn’t say anything, just looks at Noah. Ronan hears “No, Ronan. Don’t,” even as the music plays on and echoes through the building. Ronan shrugs at Noah and starts crawling toward the pile of dream-crap. 

It takes him a few minutes to find an unmarked orange bottle with ‘Lynch’ scrawled across it. He doesn’t really know anything about drugs so he takes the bottle and crawls back to his original spot. He looks at a slowly disappearing Noah, in question, asking how many he should take. Ronan hears “Ronan, don’t.” Ronan shrugs and pours several into his hand. He feels a chill on his hand as two pills fall to the floor with an inaudible clatter. He looks up and Noah’s gone. 

Ronan dry swallows the three pills in his hand and kind of hopes he doesn’t die. But he really couldn’t care less. 

Adam wasn’t sleeping, not really. After Ronan had rushed out, Adam had felt horrible, making Ronan think that, but he was still unsure of everything. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to say it. But again, he wasn’t really sleeping, so when he hears the Pig’s engine he’s out of bed and opening the door just as Gansey is climbing the stairs. 

When Gansey reaches the top he says “Fix it, Adam. Now. He’s,” Gansey shakes his head, “He’s bad, Adam. I don’t know what you did, but you have to fix it. I’ve never—He’s devastated.” Gansey looks away and back again. “He didn’t even want me in the room.” Before Adam can say anything, Gansey says “We’re leaving. Now.” The order doesn’t even register as an _order_ as Adam grabs a hoodie and his sneakers. What has he done? 

The drive to Monmouth is incredibly tense and uncomfortable. The wrecked image of a devastated Ronan is flashing behind Gansey’s eyes every time his eyes close and Adam is scolding himself for his indecisiveness and causing Ronan so much apparent pain. 

It’s a couple miles before the road Monmouth’s on when a transparent Naoh appears in the back and Gansey nearly has a heart attack. Then he almost has a heart attack again because why would Noah be here? Noah says “Drugs.” Gansey hits the gas and Adam loses his breath. Noah disappears just as they pull into Monmouth. 

Gansey unlocks and opens the door. Adam bursts through Ronan’s door with Gansey on his tale. 

Ronan’s slumped against the wall with half-lidded eyes. It looks like he tries to get up but doesn’t have the mobility so he just sways back to the wall. Adam and Gansey both make their way in uncertainly. Gansey turns the stereo to a low setting and crouches next to Ronan, picking up the discarded pills and bottle. Adam kneels at Ronan’s side. Ronan sways into Adam with un-seeing eyes. Adam grabs his face and tries, “You want to go puke?” Nothing. Adam looks to Gansey. “Has he ever...with drugs?” 

Gansey shakes his head. “He hated Kavinsky. He wouldn’t…” Gansey trails off because that’s obviously not right. He asks, more to himself than Adam, “What did you do?” He’s not even angry, he’s just disappointed. 

“I’m sorry.” Adam doesn’t know who he’s even saying it to. He tells Gansey “I’m gonna go make him stick his fingers down his throat and...yeah...OK.” 

Gansey asks “Do you want me to help…” 

Adam considers and nods “Yeah, OK. You grab that arm…” GAnsey grabs the arm closest and they both haul him up, “yeah. OK. Let’s go.” 

They make it to the bathroom and Gansey says “Should I—” 

“No,” Adam says. He then rushes, “I mean, I need to—to talk to him, privately. When he’s...OK. Just...go.” 

Gansey stands, but before he leaves, he says, “Adam...don’t...hurt him—this time. I don’t think he could take it.” He adds “I don’t think I could take it.” 

Adams nods and Gansey shuts the door on his way out. 

Adam props Ronan’s body against the bathtub and holds his head over the edge. He says “OK, Ronan. Just…” He takes two of Ronan’s long fingers and pushes them into Ronan’s mouth, he heeps pushes them until the knuckles disappear and then he pulls them back out and in again. He repeats this until Ronan starts gagging and eventually, vomiting. There’s puke everywhere. Adam got hit, but Ronan has a lot on his arm. 

Adam turns on the shower head with warm water to wash all the puke away. He washes Ronan off first, then himself. After the stuff mostly goes down the drain, Adam grabs a hand towel and starts drying Ronan off. As Adam dabs a warm washcloth at his eyes, Ronan wakes up a little. He says “Pa—rrish?” Then his face morphs in disgust and he groans. He smacks his lips together and says “Ew.” Adam grabs a bottle of mouthwash and opens it for Ronan. Ronan starts swallowing it so Adam quickly takes it away. He screws the cap back on and starts to pull Ronan up. 

“Come on. Let’s go back to your room. Don’t you want to be in a bed? Blankets?” Ronan barely manages to stand. As they make their way back to Ronan’s room, they hit three things and nearly fall seven. When they do finally make it back Ronan is a little more sober, Adam only knows because he stopped talking, won’t look anywhere near him, and he’s tense. Still, Adam makes Ronan take his slightly contaminated shirt so Adam can pull over a clean shirt. 

Adam sits next to Ronan and waits. He waits and waits and waits. “Ronan.” Adam wants to cry at the flinch from Ronan. He says, softer, “Ronan, I’m sorry.” He sighs dejectedly. “I didn’t— _Ronan_. I didn’t _kiss you_ because—because you paid my rent or gave me hand cream, Jesus, _no_. I’m sorry.” 

There’s a long silence before Ronan responds. “Why?” 

“Why—I—I didn’t know what I was feeling. I didn’t know how—how I was feeling.” He looks down, “Ronan, I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

Ronan laughs dryly, “You think I do, Parrish?” 

“Ronan?” Ronan hums in acknowledgement, still unable to look at Adam. “How long have you been in love with me?” Because that’s what this is, isn’t it? This is love. Adfam doesn’t have much experience with love. He’d thought he’d loved his mother for a long time, but he quickly realised she was indifferent about the whole ‘motherhood’ thing. So love, he doesn’t really know it. But he thinks he might love. If he could love, why wouldn’t it be Ronan. Ronan knows him. 

Ronan drags his eyes up to his. He searches Adam’s face. “Awhile.” 

“You?” 

“I don’t...know. Before today. I don’t think I realized until...you kissed me.” 

“Can we do it again?” 

“What—” Adam smiles in realization. “Oh.” His face heats up. “I would really like that.” 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gansey finds out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not explicit. Though it very well could have been.  
> If you do want to read another—more filthy outcome, I'll be posting that right after this. By itself, because I can't taint this fic with cocks and dicks, you know?

Repetitive knocking wakes Adam from his uncomfortable slumber, hunched over his desk, face in his Latin book. He gets up, wiping any residual drool from his face, then he opens the door to find Ronan with Chainsaw perched on his shoulder this time. Guess they’re going out tonight, then. 

Ronan grins without amusement, “Wanna dig some holes?” For the bodies, neither of them say. 

Adam nods, grabbing his jacket from the wall. “Who wouldn’t,” he says, returning a sarcastic smile. 

So they go to the Barns and they dig. Adam stopped wondering if this was therapeutic or just wrong when they buried the second night-horror in the yard of Ronan’s childhood home. The home Adam knows Ronan is going to grow old in. Adam just hopes he gets to watch it, eventually, alongside Ronan. 

Adam wishes Ronan would let him help with the bodies or, at least, be there, but he only comes after the fact, when he’s barely holding himself together. It can’t possibly be healthy for his psyche. 

They, certainly, do not dig six-foot graves so altogether, they dig five by the end of the night, which is early morning now. Ronan takes the shovels to put them away and Adam makes his way to the porch. He surveys the lumps of dead things and the holes of to-be dead things, he notices a few lumps have blue lilies placed atop, others with growing plants, and he knows they’re Matthews’ graves. There’s more than he’d like to count. He’d say sorry if he thought it’d mean anything, but it would do more harm than good, so when Ronan meets him at the bottom of the steps he doesn’t say anything. He slides his hands around Ronan and puls him into his chest, they pull away and Ronan pulls him back in for a kiss. They kiss and pant until the sky turns less black. 

Adam pulls away pulling in air, resting his head on Ronan’s shoulder, trying to catch his breath. He notices the sky and turns his head to speak into Ronan’s throat. When Adam’s lips brush over his pulse point, Ronan shudders. He breathes out, “Maybe you are going to make me late on purpose.” 

Ronan pulls away, saying, “Not gonna happen, Parrish.” 

And it’s over just like that. Adam tries, “But I want to miss it, Ronan.” 

Ronan shakes his head, smiling. “You’re not thinking straight.” 

“Definitely not straight,” Adam grumbles after him. “I’m thinking about me and you doing very inappropriate things to each other,” Adam smirks when he sees Ronan’s confident steps stutter. “You can see how school seems less than appealing when you have that in your head.” 

Ronan resists the alluring temptation that is Adam Parrish, strengthening his resolve, and continues to the BMW. “As I said, not thinking clearly.” 

“You don’t understand, that shit’s in technicolor.” There’s so much skin behind Adam’s eyes and he really hadn’t thought he’d be the one to bring it up, but, then again, he couldn’t even imagine Ronan ever bringing it up. Adam jogs a little to catch up to Ronan because up to this point, he’d been mostly calling out to him from a few feet away. He loops an arm around Ronan and sighs defeatedly. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” 

“Later,” is all Ronan says and it sends a shiver down Adam’s spine. _Later_. Later can mean so many things and Adam cannot wait for later to come. 

When they’re entering the outskirts of Henrietta, Adam asks, “Are we gonna ever tell Gansey?” 

“Later,” Ronan says, face blank. That later means something entirely different than back at the Barns. It means ‘when he finds out’ or ‘never’, hard to say. 

Ronan only stops at a coffee shop and S.T. Agnes’ before school so it’s a surprise when Ronan follows Adam into the building. Adam doesn’t comment on it as they make their way into the classroom, afraid it’ll make him run, he just hopes Gansey doesn’t say anything. He knows it’s pointless, but he still has hope even when they sit and Gansey stares at Ronan like he’s never before seen Ronan. Surprisingly, that’s all he does, except that he turns his scholarly eyes on Adam and his eyes say it all. With suspicious accusation, he says it is Adam’s doing. Adam just holds the stare and doesn’t back down until Gansey does. Adam doesn’t even know what that was, even if it was Adam’s fault, isn’t Gansey always trying to get Ronan to go to school anyway? What’s the problem? 

In their last class together, Gansey asks if they want to meet up at Nino’s and talk about cave exploring or something other of the like. Adam goes to wordlessly agree as usual, but Ronan says, “I have to take Adam to work after this.” Adam almost says he doesn’t but stops when Ronan sends him a pointed look. OK...what the hell is Ronan doing? Gansey takes it in stride and tells them he guesses it’ll just be him and Blue then. Adam wonders if Gansey even tries to not make it look like he’s into Blue. He also wonders if Gansey’s noticed Ronan driving Adam to school nearly every day or that Ronan is at S.T. Agnes’ nearly every night too. Adam highly doubts it. 

“What are we doing,” Adam wants to ask after they’ve gotten a fair ways away from Aglionby and are flying down a dirt road, but he doesn’t. He settles into the passenger seat and watches the scenery fly by in flashes of thick, dark green. Ronan drives into the Manmoth parking lot and they get out and head in. 

“So…” Adam draws out in his southern, Henrietta accent, looking at Gansey’s miniature town. “What—” Ronan grabs him from behind and turns him around, pulling him into a heated kiss. After a long few moments, Adam pulls back, panting. “Oh,” he says breathlessly. That’s why. 

“Yeah,” Ronan says, grinning. Then he loosens his hold on Adam’s hip and jaw. “But do you want to?” 

“Ronan,” he says. “ _Ronan_.” Then they’re kissing and pulling at each other’s clothes. They leave a trail of clothing without a thought as they make their way to Ronan’s bed. Adam savors every kiss and every press of fingers to his skin, hoping Ronan leaves bruises. Ronan savors every moment Adam’s in his hands, terrified Blue will come to sweep him out from under Ronan. 

Gansey finds them after they’ve mostly gotten dressed. Gansey stares at Adam’s pale back and wonders what the hell he was doing, did he spill something on his shirt? Then he looks to Ronan and he’s smirking like he did something terrible. His eyes narrow and he notices red marks on Ronan’s neck and wonders why Ronan hasn’t told him about—Gansey looks to Adam as the boy turns around, pulling at his collar, unable to hide the hickeys high on his neck and where jaw meets throat. 

Gansey looks between them again, then a few more times. “Yes,” he says, smiling a huge and infectious smile. “This is amazing,” he says, wrapping an arm around each of them. “My two best friends, gay.” He sighs happily. “Blue is gonna love this. Let’s go tell her, yes,” he questions already heading for the door. Adam looks to Ronan in question and he simply tilts his head forward. They follow Gansey out and climb into the BMW. 

After that, Blue and Ronan’s relationship becomes one of friendship more than that of an ally. Adam surmises it’s because Ronan can drape himself all over Adam when Blue is around and that Ronan knows Adam couldn’t ever leave him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and such.

**Author's Note:**

> Likes, comments? Do whatever you want? Read it? Thanks a bunch.


End file.
